1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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