from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize