are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
