I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize