dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
