I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
