5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Someone shattered a urinal.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
