just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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