I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
