So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You need a sexual gate keeper
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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