I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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