He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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