i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
