She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
