Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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