So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Blood and glitter go together right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize