You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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