I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
