You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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