i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
