My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
