is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
