so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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