ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
