Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
