what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
