I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
