I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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