if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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