i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
