I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize