there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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