it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
