I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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