new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You should frame my arrest warrant.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
