why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
