Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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