my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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