Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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