This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
