wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
