I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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