I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
