not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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