just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
