I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
there is glitter all over my balls
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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