tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
