How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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