she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
