At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
its liver damage thursday
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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