Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
