We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
