So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
