Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
