When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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