It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
