Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
