I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
