You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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