Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
