im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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